Thursday, August 14, 2003


You couldn't say
Needed someone new
You actually thought
Deep inside I knew

Can you tell me how can you say
Why this should suffice
You passed me by
And your heart's as cold as ice
(You passed me by)

Did you see me cry
(Did you ask yourself why)
Did you see me cry
(Did you ask yourself how)
Can you hear me cry
(Did you ask yourself)
Will we ever grow apart

You couldn't say
Needed someone new
And you actually thought
Deep inside I knew

I wonder where we will go
Will we be the same
(You passed me by)
I laugh inside I think of you
And the love we made
(You passed me by)

Tell me why this should suffice
I hold you through the night
Now will I let it go
Soon I'll let it go

Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself why)
Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself how)
Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself)
Will we ever grow apart

You, I'll stand by your side
I'll be there for you
(You passed me by)
You, I'll stand by your side
Please just do me right
(You passed me by)

You, I'll stand by your side
I'll be there for you

Utada Hikaru - Hear Me Cry.

Waking up Sunday morning brought a new prespective of life into view. Or maybe it's an old one that was buried beneath. I ended up doing coffee with a couple of #malaysia ops when she decided to call me. And she actually sounded happy that I finally decided to pick her up for dinner. That was followed up by a very constructive discussion which didn't end up with either one of us snapping, which was new to me. I guess I really did put her in write-off tray. Hardest thing of the night was the choice of whether to send her home, or to have her at my place as usual; of which I did the former. I guess there's more to me than I figured. And the sun is almost rising, but I'm still awake due to Forrest Gump being on Astro. Good movie to watch, especially after I've found my footing again. The question as usual is, how long can this last?

But once again Monday's here, and I got banking, book keeping, shopping and of course coffee to do. Throw in a new staff to break in and it's another recipe for disaster. And I'm starting to live for days like this. :)

Now let's see if I can get me a woman to top this week off eh?


I don't feel alright
In spite of these comforting sounds you make
I don't feel alright
Because you make promises that you break
Into your house
Why don't we share
Our solitude?

Nothing is pure
But solitude

It's hard to make sense
Feels as if I'm sensing you through a lens
If someone else comes
I'll just sit here listening to the drums

I never called
It solitude

And probably you know
All the dirty shows I've put on
Blunted and exhausted like anyone
Honestly I tried to avoid it

Back when we were kids,
We would always know when to stop
And now all the good kids are messing up
Nobody has gained or accomplished

Mew - Comforting Sounds.

Why do I still allow myself to let one person stop my universe from revolving? Don't I ever learn?

And I still think that the worse thing a woman can say to a man is "I want you only as a friend." Comments anyone?

Wednesday, August 13, 2003


I don't know why I'm still up. It's a lovely night to sleep after all. The gloomy weather makes being under the sheets very very tempting. Pity that it's always gonna be alone there. The chilly air and the full moon enhances the atmosphere even more. I do have to wonder what's with the bluish purple floodlights that were in the middle of the field, illuminating debris with it's eerie lights. Probably my imagination again.

I got a long day ahead of me. Plan to wake up in the morning so I can put in some time at the Youth Park gym. Then it's off to the bank to settle some money matters. Of course I also gotta wake up Ah Boy, and would prolly end up going to watch SWAT alone too. Sad isn't it? Story of my life. Well, if anyone is actually interested in watching the movie, feel free to give me a call. As if. I'd be watching the 3.15 show over at Island Plaza. Maybe Mecha might want to join me since he's been under a whole lotta stress at work.

Oh, almost forgot. I gotta go grab the bloody MS service pack for Win2k. MSBlast.exe is only causing minimal damage at work, since most of the machines use an obselete OS. Go me. :) This machine is also still running cos of that same reason. Oh well. Just in case though, I'll lay off my usual downloads till I'm sure this machine's secure. Whoops. Time to get some rest. Else nothing's gonna be happening again tomorrow.

I also shouldn't leave FC Kahuna's Nothing Is Wrong looping when there's no one in the house.

I don't know, If I'm right, I'm right.
But if I'm wrong then show me I'm wrong.
The fear of pity is always awake.
But infinite sympathy completely gone.
It's the windows, the doors, the passageway to the truth.
Oh my god, it echoes the mind.
In total recall as wild as the deuce.
It's so deceiving is the clouded heart.
So superficial is the open wound.
I caress the infinite light.
That even at night. Overshadows the moon and sings to you.

PM Dawn - Looking Through Patient Eyes.

Monday, August 11, 2003


You think that we connect
That the chemistry's correct
Your words walk right through my ears
Presuming I like what I hear
And now I'm stuck in the
The web you're spinning
You've got me for your prey

Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message
And I'll call you back

No Doubt - Spiderwebs.

Solitude can be good sometimes.


It's been an eerily quiet Monday, with even the mamaks empty when I closed up the workplace. Last week's bad news spilled over to this week, with my leave for next week getting shafted rather nastily. Looks like I only get 2 days instead of the original 4 I intended to take. That still won't stop hell from occuring on the 22nd though.

The afternoon was spent with Mecha at Island Plaza again, as always, reflecting upon ourselves the situations we are in. Hopefully things would start to clear up by the time I reach midweek. Hopefully. My mind has once again collapsed into itself, as it tries to mentally block out the unnecessary. Yet, my body is still edgy and my nerves are in a jangle. I really need the break, with the last of my reserves burning out fast. Note to self: Cut down on the ciggies and coffee.

And get a proper meal too. And last but not least...

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean ? you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides and said 'I'm sorry'
Five days since I laughed at you and said
'You just did just what I thought you were gonna do'
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame , but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

Barenaked Ladies - One Week.

Sorry indeed.

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