Thursday, August 08, 2002


I was woken up today by a phone call from someone I haven't heard from in ages. And when she hung up, I was left here totally blur, and utterly hard too. Acks. I watched Sliding Doors this morning, and as much as I enjoyed the movie, it managed to slide me back down into my "Despodent" mood. I'm so dead inside, I might as well put a sign on me that says, " For rent. Offer valid only for this month."

Why am I being so morbid anyway? Maybe it's the irony of things. Of life. When I was celibate, I seem to stumble upon opportunity after opportunity. And when I break celibacy, everything seems to just evaporate away. But then I'm at a point where I seem to crave for stability. For that one person that would complete and complement my utterly terrible existence. Why I've chosen to stay in Limbo station though, is probably due to the fact that I believe that person has come, and gone, and that nothing can be complete without her. And no matter how many times I've told myself that it's time to move on, I fall back into this pit somehow. I guess it's the disadvantage of staying alone with everything so quiet except for the phantom workforce upstairs, my teleporting pet cactus, and the thingie that keeps on playing with my windchimes in the living room. Right.

I guess that's why I've decided on the spur of the moment to compile a wish list. There's only 11 days to go after all, and that's more than enough time to get this old man something :).

The Easy Bits.

  • DJ Badmarsh & Shri - Dancing Drums LP.

  • DJ Badmarsh & Shri - Signs LP.

  • Absolut Red Bull.

  • ISDN/ADSL Modem.

  • A stripper for the Leisure Cove party.

  • Straight Sex.

  • GeForce 4 440 MX or better.

  • A bigger TV.


  • Warcraft III Collector's Edition.

  • Money.

    The Hard Ones.

  • My old waistline.

  • An Orgy.

  • Another chance....

    I think I'll go entertain the windchimes now.

  • Ride.

    He checked his watch, then kick started his bike. The roads were the usual dark grey tones as he went past the guardhouse of his abode. Tugging his jacket tighter to him, he shifted gear and opened up the throttle, picking up speed slowly. The chill of the night didn't bother him; after all, he's felt nothing since his coming to this dull, desolate place. The streetlights lighted the way as always in their errie grey light. Everything here was in the black , white and every other greyish tone there was. But things were going to be different tonight.

    A flash in the side mirror caught his eye, as he noticed a vehicle following him. The single headlight showed that it was another biker like himself, surely intent on the same destination as well. He afforded himself a wry smile as he pulled down his visor, and shifted to a higher gear.

    As he cruised along, more bikes fell in behind him, slowly turning his solo journey into an entourage of sorts. Taking a look at his watch, he expected to arrive at the crossing on schedule. Despite having almost 80 bikes behind him, they all travelled as silent as the night itself. Things have always been quiet over here. Dull.Quiet. It would be good to leave.

    Seeing the crossing on the horizon, he shifted to top gear, a broad grin on his face. Behind him, his escort also picked up speed, the wind in their faces, as they fanned out behind him, filling up the three lane highway with ease. 270 bikes rode with him. And tomorrow, a lot more will be making the crossing as well. His watch started to blink, the alarm stating that it was time. And with that, he rode full speed into the crossing; zipping into the underpass to emerge at his destination. The other side.

    And then the roar deafened him, as they zoomed into light.

    And as the light faded around them, they once again saw themselves on the same highway.With a difference. Here the lights were of many hues and colours. The sound of their bikes were deafening now, as many bikes started going their own ways. There were many others on the road as well, mainly as it was 7.05 p.m. and rush hour was just about over. But it didn't bother him nor his entourage, as they slipped and slided past the many cars oblivious to their presence. They felt no fear as they haphazardly ran the many red lights along the way. They can only feel the cold touch only once after all.

    And he wasn't sure where he would head first. Every year the barrier that separated both worlds would weaken, allowing him and the others the crossing. The world he was in was a complete mirror of the world he left behind, except for the fact that everything was without colour, nor sound, nor smell. Things were just painted in the many hues of grey. But for this one month, he was allowed to visit the world he left behind. And he missed it badly.

    And as each biker headed on towards their own agenda, one thing drove them on. Their hunger. Their craving for the many things lost to them when they left this world. Their emotions. Their senses. He, like them, were free for the moment, and they would do all they could to satisfy their hunger till it was time for the return back into the shadows. He would ride to the many places he's left behind, to take in his fill of life itself.

    And ride he did.

    Wednesday, August 07, 2002


    So much to say so little time for me to explain the way I feel

    You only see things the way you want to see them

    It makes sense to you all these things you do

    You got it all figured out while everyone is confused

    How do you do it?

    In your mind I'm just blind

    You're right all of the time

    If I think for myself, I guess I'm way out of line

    I'm not who you are

    I'm so sorry

    I can't do anything right

    You don't know me, stay out of my life

    Kick me while I'm down, I want you to

    I can't be like you

    Don't want to be like you

    No matter what I do it's never good enough

    I give all that is me; still it's never enough

    So, why try? I give up.

    What does it feel like to be in you shoes

    And walk over everyone like you do?

    Tear me down again, I want you to.

    You're lovely, so beautiful

    You're perfect in every way.

    Your interior rusted. I'm so disgusted

    Can't trust it. You're busted.

    P.O.D. - Anything Right.

    You're the Devious Smiley! Your mean, and you like to stab people in the back. No
    one can trust you because you love to take advantage of people.
    But on the bad side you look sort of off.

    Take the Which Yahoo! Simley are you test
    By Foiledagain

    Take the ICQuiz!

    you are a book called

    dr. seuss book warped you?

    i am

    microsoft OS are you?

    i am

    what sexual performer are you?


    My electrical problem has been fixed. The contract electrician came over a couple of days back and promptly fixed everything that needed to be fixed. I had a grand total of 9 power switches down due to short-circuiting, or something like that. Heck, now even my room light works, so the webcam will be active in the wee hours of the morning as well. :)

    My mom dropped by a few days back as well. Told her about the electrical problem and also that it probably was caused by all the construction / renovation work being done in the unit above mine. She went upstairs to have a look and a word with the tenants, being my mother and all. :P 10 minutes later she came down to inform me that the unit has been empty for the past 2 months. Like wtf? I seriously do NOT need this. I was bloody woken up one morning from the excessive drilling just a few days back, and now she's telling me that there's no one upstairs? At all? Ok maybe I might be losing it after all. Hmm.

    On a happier note I went to the PC fair at PISA last Sunday and ended up getting myself a BenQ CD Writer, a scroll mouse for my mom, and also did Cindy a favor by getting her a CD-ROM since the poor girl had her friend ppk her instead of following her to the event. I also picked up 50 pieces of CDRs which I shared with Adren, so we could burn all the music we want for fux. And being the idiot I am, I totally forgot the get the RM20 Logitech Keyboard for myself, since my current keyboard doesn't have a ps2 plug! And my new machine only has ps2 and above. Dammit.

    I've also been watching alot of movies lately, with my latest view being xXx. Not a bad show after all. It's all bollocks, as Ah Boon puts it, but still entertaining nevertheless. I guess I'd do the movie reviews much much later . :) I also picked up quite a few music CDs recently from the regular crime scene at Batu Feringghi. Got the list below:

  • Korn - Untouchables.

  • P.O.D. - Satellite.

  • Mauro Piccoto - The Others.

  • Paul Oakenfold - Bunkka.

  • Ministry of Sound - Clubber's Guide to Ibiza 2002 Part 1.

  • Ministry of Sound - Clubber's Guide to Ibiza 2002 Part 2.

  • Madonna - Remixed.

  • Ken Isshi - Flatspin.

  • Ashanti - Ashanti.

  • Delerium - Poem.

    I guess I'm going for variety these days. My age is catching up with me, and it's starting to show.I'm currently downloading Kate Wislet's mp3 for crying out loud! I turn 27 in the next week or so, and I still don't know where I'm heading. But for tomorrow, I'll be heading for Sega Fredo's free flow anniversary bash. Maybe I'll get lucky or something.

  • DisorderRating
    Borderline:Very High
    Avoidant:Very High

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