For every beginning there is an end.

Dread.

drivin' faster in my car
falling farther from just what we are
smoke a cigarette and lie some more
these conversations kill
falling faster in my car

time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to take a ride
it leaves today no conversation
time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to wait too long
to wait too long
these conversations kill

Stone Temple Pilots - Big Empty

I'm worn out. Both body and soul. People are starting to be more and more unreliable by the day. And it seems to be always me that has to shaft my plans for the betterment of things. Kinda makes me wanna just burn my bridges again, and move on. My trip to Ipoh tomorrow is already tense enough, and now, I'm told once again at the last minute that my staff can't work. I guess that's the whole problem with part timers. No bloody work ethics.

No it's not just work that's getting to me. The past week has been rather bad, and it's actually got me thinking again, about friendships, relationships, family and life. It didn't help either that Mecha planted more seeds of discord in my head during one of our regular coffee sessions. Seems that I always get messed up in August, and I'm not sure if it's cos of the wakeup call that reality gives me, or the fucking voices in my head that's been going on and on and on. And no, I haven't been drinking today. Then again, I've hardly been eating also. It would be so much easier to be put away and have the key thrown. At least there would be method to my madness. But as the guys say, lorless.

At least the football season is beginning, which brings my side income back into action. Seems that all my profits from last season are gone due to runaways and outstanding dues. Tulan. Maybe it's the huana in me that makes me trust too easily. And it's the huana in me that's kinda fucking up my life as well. The world is the same. It still sees people as colours and creed. And it's all a lie when they say otherwise. Isn't it? Heck what do I know. I'm just a potential suicide bomber in the eyes of the world after all. Though at this point, I really feel like imploding.

I really do.

Bizarre.
Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
Well every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say


New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle.

It's 2 hours past the time which I originally planned to sleep. I planned to wake up early so I can check out the Public Gym down in Youth Park. Oh. And also to get my laundry done, pay some bills cos I'm so sure I'm gonna get barred today, and maybe clean up the pad a lil. So much for plans. I would be able to get hmm 5 hours of sleep, before I decide to wear myself out to the pace of Monday. Heh.

So should I push my envelope or not? I did chill out alot today though, with the Prez at the mamak. He's suffering from a bad case of alcohol poisoning, and looks like the Michelin Man with his swelled up joints, arms, and face. And that ended any ideas of drinking the night away again. So we ended up going to Visions for some relaxing 9 ball, along with Sun, Jobe, Hung Yew and G. Amazing what happens to someone because of woman ja? Ja!

Which leaves me once again to ponder how can one woman just demolish all resolve in a person? July was the month of "Give 110% and then some." It's August now, and according to ze Prez, it's "Fuck that" month. Oh. And it's also that time of the year for the now infamous Leisure Cove sessions. More details would be announced when I can confirm them, but a few things are definite, such as attempting to beat the shotgun record, a higher bodycount, the 'tabletalk session', and of course, trying to get Tats finally laid with a girl. Last year's attempt was a failure on a count of Tats being not able to hold his alcohol. Wuss. So for those interested, feel free to register yourselves with the LHC.

Yet, there is indeed one big difference this year. And the next 24 days would hopefully shed more light on it.