Saturday, August 02, 2003


It's a wet wet Saturday night here at work, and all I feel like doing is drowning myself in booze. No particular reason actually, other than the fact that I'd rather be the one getting really shitfaced. I miss those times. Then again, I miss a lot of things, and going against basic common sense, I shall go down to Mappy Hart and load up on Biger Teers. I tried calling the Prez but he appears to be preoccupied with his attempts at resigning from the Club. I guess.

The past 7 days have been rather interesting, with old faces reappearing, and familiar ones severing all ties with me. And I seem to be rather unfazed by it all. Jaded mayhaps? Or have I finally managed to harden my resolve? I'll have a beer as I ponder on that one.*slurp* Much better.

Great. Now I feel like kicking some shit around. Bad Bad. I shouldn't be drinking too much in this month anyway. More chances for shit to happen. Hey. That sound's like a plan. Sadly it kinda sucks when you plan only for yourself. So it's back to the drawing board.

I should also stop listening to music like this. At the moment it's Evanescence. Earlier it was House of Pain. Oh. And Ludacris too. I should stop before I decide to kick the chink sitting in the corner surfing pr0n and fucking up the machine's HDD. I need another beer.

CK has just decided to turn on the lights, cos he wants to go home early, even though it's raining outside. And he rides a bike. Ah well. Good for him. ARGH! Must not use that term. After all, memories are meant to be just that. So I guess it's time for me to finish up my beers and go somewhere else to drink somemore. I seriously think I can't get drunk tonight. Or is that my pent up machoness speaking? Whatever.

What happened to you
You played the victim for so long now in this game
What I thought was true
Is made of fiction and I’m following the same

But if I try to make sense of this mess I’m in
I’m not sure where I should begin
I’m fallin’
I’m fallin’

Now I’m in over my head
For something I said
Completely misread
I’m better off dead

And now I can see
I think it could be
This hypocrisy is beginning to get to me

It’s none of my concern
What is luck to me I don’t believe in fame
I guess you never heard
I bet the makers they don’t even know your name

But if I had to say goodbye to leave this hell
I think my time has served me well
I’m fallin’
I’m fallin’

This came all before
Those who suffer more
I’m too awake for this to be a nightmare

What’s with my disgrace
I lost the human race
No one left for this to blow up in your face

Sum 41 - Over My Head.

p.s. Sum 41 rox.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003


Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's lies
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I...dive...again... I'm going under
Drowning you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break though
I'm...So go on and scream
Scream at me
So far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe...
I can't keep going under

Evanescence - Going Under

Eric just had to remind me last night/this morning. Today is the beginning of the 7th month. Which made the drive to Lumut all the more harrowing. And the return trip even more so with the gates due to open later tonight. Which is why I'm gonna leave this virtual ghost town now. No way do I intend to stay here the night, despite the insistance of my father. Yep, you got that right, my father has made one of his elusive appearances, but then again it is my mom after all. Sigh. Which makes the thought that the operation is tomorrow morning, smack right at the start of the 7th month as well. Call me kolot but I've seen more than enough to know that there's more than meets the eye with things that go bump in the night. Oh well. As long as I don't get another personal invitation to join the "Last Ride" it's all good. The cactus isn't around anymore anyway.

I prayed today. Yes I know it's not Friday. I guess it's time for me to embrace Him again. It's all part of the big plan after all isn't it? I think too much. I really do. Maybe getting that keg of beer for Jason's birthday is not that good an idea as well. I know I won't be seeing Mecha around much at night. Along with the rest of the sensitive ones. Cept maybe for Capes, but that's cos he just hears 'em. :) Ah well. It would be good to see Illyana again eh?


Sunday, July 27, 2003

Fuck You.
Do you care if I don't know what to say,
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?
Will I shake this off? Pretend it's all ok,
That there's someone out there that feels just like me...
There is.

Boxcar Racer - There Is.

And there again, there isn't.

Number Two.

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

All American Rejects - Swing Swing.

I had a shock when I walked into work yesterday. On the noticeboard at the cashier's counter was a message written for the world to see.

Wanted : Cybercafe Manager. Those Interested Contact Rommel.

Well I guess with that last bit there, it means that I don't get knocked out of the equation. So this would mean I'm getting another upgrade right? I hope so. I already have 2 candidates in mind, with a probable interview with one later today. But I still have my options open I guess. So if there's anyone there still interested, you know where to find me.

And elsewhere in life, it kinda sucks. She's gone for the holidays and my progress with her has reached a virtual standstill. One way traffic really sucks. So I guess it's back to my old life once again for now. I got my work to worry about, with the current establishment being expanded. I have my mother to worry about, with her operation being only a couple of days away, and I still don't have a work solution for the days that I'm supposed to be at the hospice in Perak. Oh, and I was just told to grow up by someone who means a lot to me. So yes, life is just peachy. And it's not even a Monday yet. How I dread it at all.

And even now, she's still hurling abuse at me. And it hurts.

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