For every beginning there is an end.

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

Evanesence - Bring Me To Life.

I've always been a sucker for string arrangements. I find that they give a certain song a more epic feeling. More character to be exact. Which is prolly why I'm a sucker for the song above. That and the fact that the girl has a very very powerful voice destined for better things. I think her name's Amy Lee. She has a passing resemblance to Sarah Brightman. So I guess the dream band that Melvin and me could ever put together would be Amy Lee and Chester Bennington as lead vocals, and everyone from Tool as their band. And if we realllllly need a so called "Rapcore" vocalist, good old Zack DelaRocha comes to mind. Don't get me wrong about me liking Linkin Park. We just agree that they could go alot further without their rapper. :) Ok, I can feel the fever ebbing. Better crawl back into bed. See you in a while.

Last night, I was given the blue pill. What it does is that it's supposed to cleanse your insides of unnecessary wastes. For the past 12 hours, my body has been doing its system purge, causing me to bolt for the loo at hourly intervals. I would expect the high temperture that I'm running to be part of the side effects as well. So how do I explain the sorethroat, sneezing and cough? Why has my immune system suddenly take a day off? Panadol has been keeping the fever in check for the past few hours, and I plan to knock off as soon as I finish this. I can feel its poison running through my body, waiting to engulf me again in its delirious embrace. I'm hoping that when I wake up, it would all go away. But just in case.. nice knowing /not knowing you people.

Hock Yew, I know you read this every morning from work, so gimme a call to see if I still exist in this world k?

Is I gonna get it or what? Well since I'm already headed that way anyway....

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Linkin Park - Faint.

They maybe the hardest boyband around, but I have to admit the string arrangement on that track is amazing. Now if only they never bothered with the rapper. Anyway, it's all clear to me now. It's also that I have feared most. Without depression where would I be? What would I be? Who was I before I fell from grace? It's been so long that I've even forgotten those little shards of my shattered life. And now, with the darkness gone, I'm awake again. And once more I embrace my essence.

Rage.

Now fuck off before I decide to feed you your precious cellphones.

And with that phone call, she has left. As easy as it was to settle her in, it was as easy for her to move along. She thinks that her presence has been imposing, when it somehow rekindled that bit in me to actually get myself back on my feet again. Within such a short time she became a talisman to me, the beacon that would help me back onto the ledge as I try to escape the limbo I'm in. Whee. Here I go again. I'll try diving this time, maybe I can reach the bottom faster. But I gotta reject the temptation again. The temptation to give in to the dark side. He's still there on the other side, waiting for me to cross over. And I know that when I do, I would never be able to make it back. The plan was to wake up early, actually eat a proper breakfast (cornflakes mind you!), and then hike or jog. I guess I'll try to stick to her plan regardless, though it sucks going through it alone.

At least I know she's in good hands now, at least better than mine.

But I do know one thing though,
Bitches they come they go,
Saturday through Sunday monday,
Monday through Sunday yo,
Maybe I'll love you one day,
Maybe we'll someday grow,
'Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin runway hoe...

Eminem - Superman.

Moving a depressed individual in with you can be rather taxing. I thought that having someone around the house who's just as distraught as me would help, but it seems that two negatives make not a positive. She's just finished reading the new blog and has retreated into her room, leaving me here to ponder on the direction of my life. The first day is always the hardest I guess. Capes and me have tried our best to help her settle in here, while Sun kept her company during my working hours. It's not that she can't take care of herself, it's just that we're worried, about her as well as him. Things tend to happen fast, too fast sometimes. Relationships tend to crumble faster than they can be built.So I guess we all should appreciate what we have while we can. Hey, that sounds like me talking. Fuck.

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

I need to get myself out of my freefall. Badly. The turbulance is starting to eat away at my soul, what's left of it anyway. I really need to lay my ghost(s) to rest. The question is how. sigh. So while I wonder, I will continue my descent, while she continues to finish up the tissue next door in her attempt to reflect on the day's activities. Sleep shalt elude the wicked once again.

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Nine Inch Nails - Hurt.